As a part of leading a simple life, I find it important to learn how to let go of the expectations we once clung to and accept what is as much as possible.
I want to share a little parable with you:
A gambler once said to the Master, "I was caught cheating at cards yesterday, so my partners beat me up and threw me out of the window. What would you advise me to do?"
The Master looked straight through the man and said, "If I were you, from now on I would play on the ground floor."
This startled the disciples. "Why didn't you tell him to stop gambling?" they demanded.
"Because I knew he wouldn't," was the Master's simple and sagacious explanation.
As a licensed psychotherapist, mentor, supervisor, teacher and as a mother I find this wise little story very true. My own mentor told me long ago, "When you are helping people, meet them where they are rather than trying to drag them to where you are."
How often do we all set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration by expecting people around us to behave the way we believe they should? Often others are simply not equipped, informed or aware of what it is we are expecting of them.
In my own pursuit of a simpler life with A Simple Life Project, I am employing an approach to all of my relationships and interactions that takes into account where others are mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually before I expect them to behave or act any particular way. How does this simplify my life you might ask? Well, it strips away the complexities of erroneous assumptions and crossed wires in communication.
For example, if I have a mentoring client and we are having our first 90 minute dive-deep session in my 3 month redesign your life mentoring program I shift into neutral with no assumptions as to how my client thinks and feels and I join her in her world by asking particular open ended questions that provides windows for me to look into her heart, her mind, her soul. This greatly simplifies the process of coming to really know where my client is. The alternative (and sadly this happens with far too many life coaches out there) would be for me to march in there with assumptions of what is going on for her and what she needs which then greatly complicates the process because she might feel confused when what I suggest does not fit for her.
Another example on a more personal front would be how I interact with my husband at the end of a work day. If he is particularly silent and seems grumpy rather than seeking to change him or scolding him for being unresponsive, it greatly simplifies things for me to give him some space and then lovingly ask if there is anything I can do for him.
When we rush in seeking to change someone, or we out-right expect people to act a certain way we are really complicating things unnecessarily. Accept people are where they are. Seek to understand but don't try to change people. Otherwise you set yourself up for unnecessary conflict.
Deal with what is instead. It goes a long way in the aim of achieving a simpler life and simpler relationships.
This might be tough but it's important. Letting go can be one of the simplest yet most difficult things to do. Are there relationships that have run their course and may be nothing but a drain and a burden? I'm not suggesting you start breaking up with your entire family and friend group. I am suggesting, though, that as we dedicate ourselves to living a simpler life - especially at this mid-life point - we really need to evaluate who we are hanging out with. You may find you have a friend that you've known for 15 years who complains constantly and can't ever seem to find the bright side, always making every get together about herself and her woes. You've tried to talk to her about it many times but she dismisses your concerns and makes uno changes. It might be time to let her go.
Or, you might have lived a lifetime of being treated poorly by a family member with whom you've made many attempts to assert yourself, set boundaries and request a change to no avail. It might be time to let him go.
Perhaps you've been working in a job you really hate for too long. It might be time to move on, find another way to earn your income and let it go.
Letting go of people and situations that are familiar can feel like a very difficult thing to do.
At this point in life we begin to realize that the quality of our time spent with others needs our attention. We become more mindful of how we are feeling when around certain people or in particular situations. We begin tuning in and listening to our inner guidance more carefully. And often we find it's simply time to let go of some people, some places or some things.
Relief can be had when we follow these hunches. And letting go need not be cruel. You don't even owe anyone a full explanation.
Relationships worth holding onto or jobs that offer us long term security can be opportunities to work through challenges. I'm not suggesting we walk away from all the people who are difficult to deal with. I'm referring to honoring what your inner wisdom tells you on when it's time to simply let go. When you've tried long enough and are feeling perpetually depleted or beaten down. Give yourself permission to lovingly release those relationships and wish them only the best on their own life paths. You can choose to walk away so that you can focus more of your energy and time on the healthier relationships and fulfilling life experiences. Letting go can be a gift to yourself and your life.
As a part of my pursuit of a simple life I have to look at the ways these days I have fun that fit with my new lifestyle In my early 20's I felt compelled to go out on the town at night even though we had very little extra money. In my late 20's and early 30's, my days and nights were busy taking care of my babies. I didn't see a movie or watch a TV show other than Disney and PBS kids from 1994 - 2000. Once the kids were a little older I thought it was a luxury to get to watch Sex & The City on HBO after they'd gone to bed. In my 40's as the kids have grown up my husband and I have mastered the art of simple entertainment and we make this a regular part of our weekly life so that we have balance after a lot of long work hours.
We do love local theater and the arts. Whenever possible we support the creative arts community by attending plays, art shows and local music in small venues. We love our travel adventures and go on trips on average 5-6 times/year. But we also have some simple ways to kick back and enjoy our down time.
- Porch time. I never thought I'd be that adult who sat on the porch sipping on iced herbal tea but I must say that I really enjoy it. We marvel at all the wild life in and around our home. We catch up on the goings ons of the week. Just this morning we watched the morning sky turn from pink to blue. A simple life lends to valuing the view.
- Gardening. I'm not much of a green thumb but I love to plant and care for flowers and fruit plants. It's very rewarding to prune, pinch off the dead-heads, see how the plants are flourishing.
- Cooking. Now that our daughter is a junior in high school with lots of evening activities, Dennis and I are almost empty nesters so we often are the only two home for dinner. We turn on Edie Brickell, Ray LaMontagne or an evening chill play list off of Spotify and cook together. It's truly fun and bonding for us to make our own meals and sit down together at the dining room table or out back on the back porch if weather permits. Back porch dining is definitely part of a simple life.
- Walking. I used to walk only for exercise or to take the dog to potty but now walking in the evenings is one of my favorite activities. I enjoy crossing paths with other walkers and admiring the landscaping and gardens of our neighboring homes.
- Netflix. I must admit in this day and age it is simple and fun entertainment to follow a series or catch a movie on Netflix. We invested a reasonable amount of money into smart TVs and now the cinema is at our finger tips and there is some really great viewing available.
- Chess. It's not just for cerebral kids. It's a game that strengthens the brain and is really entertaining. We keep a chess set out on our coffee table and I've been known to bond with my kids, their friends, husband over a good game of chess.
- Fiction. As a psychotherapist and a leader in my profession I have to stay up on the latest research in the field of wellness and psychology but I love a good fiction book. Whether an actual book or on my reader I love to get lost in a compelling read. Part of living a simple life has been to return to taking time to snuggle with a good book.
- High School Football. Maybe it's a carry over from when my middle child played football but I find high school games to be very entertaining. And it's not just the game. It's watching the kids and the parents in the stands.
- Meditation and Yoga. It's a non negotiable. And I truly love it. Doing a daily yoga practice and sitting in meditation in the sacred space of my new little studio space is one of my favorite things to do and is definitely part of my simple life entertainment.
If you have ideas for simple entertainment you enjoy please post in the comments below!
As Autumn is around the corner I am beginning to crave home-made soup again. I take a break from soup during the Summer months. There is nothing more nourishing and comforting than a bowl of soup on a chilly evening. Soup is also a simple dinner idea, feeds a crowd and if crafted with care can be a high nutrition, lower calorie option if you're being mindful of your health and weight.
There are a gazillion soup recipes on the internet but below are two recipes I absolutely love that I make in my slow cooker for myself and my family. These recipes are my own - variations of other recipes I've tried over the years. One is a plant based recipe and the other uses chicken stock and chicken breast meat.
Simple Soup Recipe 1: Kickin' Veggie Soup
Get out your slow cooker or you can make this on the stove top if you'll be nearby. Needs to simmer all day for best flavor.
32 ounces of organic vegetable stock (home made or store bought)
32 ounces of organic tomato sauce
1 medium onion finely chopped
1 cup of organic English peas
1 cup of butternut squash cubes (you can find these in freezer section or produce section)
1 cup of chopped organic green beans
1 cup of chopped organic kale
1 cup of chopped organic purple cabbage
1 tsp of Himalayn pink salt
1/2 tsp of black pepper
a few shakes of Tabasco sauce
1/4 tsp of cayenne pepper
1 Tbsp. of lemon juice
Throw all the ingredients and simmer all day. Serve and garnish with a sprig of water cress or parsley.
Simple Soup Recipe 2: Wonders Chicken Soup
Best cooked all day in slow cooker. Serves 6-8
2 free range, organic chicken breasts
64 ounces of organic chicken broth
1 medium onion chopped
3 stalks of organic celery chopped
3 large organic carrots chopped
1 small organic zucchini chopped
1 tsp of Himalayan pink salt
1/2 tsp of black pepper
1 tbsp of apple cider vinegar
1 tsp of garlic powder
Place chicken in bottom of slow cooker and add broth and other ingredients. Cook on low 8 hours. When it's time to serve gently tear up the chicken with a fork and knife into the broth, stir and serve.
I have been a yoga and meditation teacher since 1995. I'm certified in a particular style of circular breath-work and I teach breathing exercises (pranayama) to my clients of all ages to increase focus, experience relief from anxiety symptoms and align body, mind and spirit. I never stop being amazed at how human beings don't seem to know how to breathe in a way that helps them to feel better. We were born into the world naturally knowing how to breathe so when did we start holding our breath or breathing so shallowly?
A simple breathing technique has been proven to bring immediate calm to the nervous system. This one breath exercise can snap you back into present moment, ground your otherwise frazzled energy and simplify your life. Ready to learn?
I call this slow bubble blowing.
- Allow your belly to grow soft and sit up straight. Drop your shoulders down away from your ears.
- Through your nose take in a deep full breath allowing your belly to expand naturally and fill the lungs all the way up to your collar bone. (count to 4 if you like).
- As if blowing bubbles in a controlled manner, blow out the breath very slowly and completely. Make this exhale twice as long as the inhale. (count to 8 if you like).
- Repeat 3 times.
- Notice the profound shift.
Simply breathe and your life will seem sweeter, slower and more relaxed.
Anybody who knows me and follows my work at Wonders Wellness knows that I LOVE a line of all natural skin and hair care products created by my friend Gilly called Gilly's Organics. I love her line so much I have an entire page on this website dedicated to them. You can go read her story and all about these products HERE if you want . . .)
If you're striving to simplify and really cut your budget I have some ideas for you that really work to keep skin beautiful and supple and youthful - so important for women in mid-life!
Since I sold all of my Gilly's products and used up my personal supply, I decided that before I go order some more I would try a simple and super-cheap assortment of household items. I have been using the following items on my skin and seeing really nice results:
- Castile Soap with a drop of tea tree oil for cleansing.
- Baking soda for a gentle exfoliant and skin brightener
- Witch Hazel as my astringent with a drop of orange essential oil.
- "Thieves" blend (I make my own - see here for easy, affordable recipe) for spot-blemish treatment overnight.
- Organic Coconut oil for moisturizing
- Bentonite Clay for a monthly detox facial mask
- Plain greek yogurt, lime juice, crushed mint leaves and extra virgin olive oil for a cooling, cleansing weekly facial mask
Simply smooth and supple skin in mid-life need not be rocket science. . .